I was there at the back of the boat looking far into the horizon, the sun beginning to set on that late afternoon. I was staring blankly at the waves when it suddenly hit me. Here I am, spending a day in a far away island with friends old and new, still alive and enjoying life. It’s been almost two years since the day that he went away. September 22nd, Sunday twenty five after nine. In the doorway with his case, no longer shouting at each other there tears on my face. We were letting go of something special… (okay, enough with the M2M pun) 😂
I’ve spent the last two years trying to rebuild my life and building a new one without that someone I thought would be here for forever. Well, walang forever so anong nakakagulat? Haha! Anyway, it is a very educational experience. I needed to spend time to reflect on what was, what is and what will be. It was hard, very hard. But slowly I found myself smiling again, then laughing again. With the help of my family and friends, I’m here alive and kickin’.
Reflecting back, the first year was a wake up call for me. That’s when I saw life without the rose-colored glasses. After mourning and using up all of my friend’s tissue, that’s when I decided to stand up not only for me but for the little girl that needs me most. I started to love myself more and take care of myself so that I would be healthy for Yui. It was a year of going back to a healthier lifestyle and releasing all negative energies through exercise and being with positive people. On that first year, I found myself again. I was on a mission to be happy and depend on nobody else for my happiness. That mission brought me more peace but there was still some sadness, some resentment.
Going into the second year, I learned a lot of life’s realities from the people around me. I learned that there’s a much more complicated web in our lives that we all have to untangle to get to our inner peace. I learned that some of life’s problems are difficult to solve but it gets easier to bear when you have help from people around you. I learned that people sometimes unintentionally hurt us with the intention of loving us. And that at the end of it, we have ourselves to help us get through it all. And then there’s our family and friends to help us get through it while holding our hands. There were many things I’ve come to realize this past year and many other decisions made towards the journey to happiness and self-awareness.
Through this, what stood out is that to have that inner peace, we should remove the resentment in our hearts. We should accept that some things are meant to be, some are not. Once I accepted that, I felt lighter. Like a huge thorn has been taken out of my chest. Despite the saying, “forgive and forget”, I still believe that we can forgive but not forget. Not forgetting the mistakes we did to get where we are but forgiving ourselves for committing that mistake will make us more at peace and hopefully, happier. That worked for me. As they say, “time heals all wounds.”